A mundane (not magical) answer to a common modern relationship issue

As a Coven of witches and magical people, we are often asked general relationship questions. When we give longer FREE responses, the answers will be shared for all readers to enjoy. The response below is not a magic spell, but a perspective from a male to a female.

Q:

I meet FRED (**name changed) few months ago, things was good between us and we had very good chemistry. I thought he might like me too so I made the first move and told him that I liked him and I developed feelings for him, which is quite unusual for me, he rejected me and I can’t get over it. 

I’m still friends with him on facebook and I reach out to him casually, but he doesn’t initiate our conversations anymore. I know he’s not seeing someone else. I really love him and I can’t stop thinking about him. 

What should I do next?

Lots of love,
F

A:

Hi F,

Below you will find what I saw to be closest analysis to your situation. I may not
get everything right as I don’t have all the facts in your case but your short
description of what happened is enough for me to make the following assessment.

It appears that what happened in your case was you took a bold risk too early on.
To me, you being the woman, it’s normal for you to express your feelings to a
man. It’s in your nature and I don’t see anything wrong with that. However, dating,
just like many things is also like a game.

You may have risked too soon without allowing the guy to establish some level of
attraction and feelings towards you. While it’s true men are mostly attracted to
physical beauty. Men, just like women, also take a while to fall in love. As a guy, I
can tell you that there are women I never thought I would be attracted to but end
up falling for when I got the chance to know them. The more I spent time with a
person, I end up feeling more attraction.

Men also are good at showing that they may like a woman but aren’t really into
her. Men can also enjoy the attention. So this is another factor. He may not be
really that attracted to you.

It could also be the case that he may not be ready for a relationship and that he just
wants to have fun. I don’t know if you’re conservative when it comes to dating but
men usually throw religion out of the window the moment they get the chance to
have sex. So he may also be thinking of that. I don’t know. Just maybe.

There is also some chance that he might have found you to be clingy. Being clingy
is unattractive for it projects neediness. Meaning, there is something you may not
sorting out with your life that you’re relying too much on others (especially for
emotional validation) instead of taking responsibility for yourself. This is not
uncommon.

Men are attracted to a woman whose head is above her shoulders. You’re going to
have to start taking responsibility for everything that is going on in your life. You
need to ask yourself if you’ve shown neediness. You need to dissect painfully
whatever hurts you have that are causing you to be complacent as well. You cannot
be externally validation driven. You have to be truly secure from within.

A man is attracted to a woman. A woman is someone who can stand for herself.
She is not heavily invested on the opinion of others. She takes responsibility for
herself and her actions instead of blaming everybody else. She is secure of herself
and her beliefs are healthy. She has a good plan and can go along even if things
don’t fall into place. She’s well put together. She’s fully in-sync and connected
when it comes to people. A woman is beyond drama. A woman is busy because
she has a lot of important things going on in her life, and that’s why she doesn’t
need drama.

She also believes she needs to be with a man who can take a lead and values her.
While a man must take the lead, the woman must not be pressuring too much. If he
really can’t take a lead, a woman understands that she has better options. You must
start valuing yourself more than valuing him. If you do that, that’s the first step of
turning things around.

You need to rekindle your feminine energy as well. As a man, he’s masculine, he
will be attracted to a good measure of feminine energy. This varies from girl to
girl. In your case you need to find that balance in you. You don’t have to act too
girly and pretend “I don’t care” in an arrogant manner. It’s much more complicated
than that.

Click Here!

You must tell yourself that you can’t continue a relationship with someone who’s
unsure about you. I think you must stick with that and show your strength as a
woman. As a woman, you know you have options of getting other men too.
You must demonstrate through your behavior from hereon that will make him
think: “Wow I could be wrong she’s probably not a clingy insecure girl after all.
She’s a woman of strength who can stand on her own” Or “Wow I could be wrong,
it turns out she’s actually very hot and attractive and I may miss out on having her!
I better do something before other guys get to her!”

As the saying goes: “The harder you pull, the more he will run away. The harder
you push, the faster he will run to you”

But, as mentioned, it’s much more complicated than that, yet it reflects truth.
Now what I want you to work on is to restore (or further improve) your sense of
being a woman. And your positive feminine energy which got him close to you in
the first place. You are an attractive woman the fact that there’s some chance he
may have liked you. And the fact that you asked for help here, it means you’re
someone who takes charge and correct a wrong in your life.

Conditioning is mostly what causes a woman to become unattractive, especially
causing insecurity. And insecurity is the killer of attraction.

Insecurity examples:
1.) Being overly-jealous: reflects lack of self-value or self-esteem
2.) Being controlling: reflects fear, lack of self-value and confidence with
oneself that he’s the woman.
3.) Validation junky: Constantly asking, do you love me?
4.) Blaming everybody else, not taking responsibility
5.) Eager for a text reply. “Why you didn’t reply to me?”
6.) Being an ass kisser. Devaluing yourself for the sake of valuing him.

You need to stop doing things out of insecurity. While doing things from a position
of security is good, you need to start doing things out of good will. It really doesn’t
matter whether you get him back or not. It will only matter when you gain the
genuine respect from him and from yourself.

People in general are very good at picking up needy behavior and as mentioned,
they stem from your insecurities. And as mentioned you need to get back your
sense of self-esteem and self-respect.

Some behaviors that demonstrate you’re an attractive woman.
1.) Emotionally mature
2.) Ready for what happens
3.) Self-assured
4.) NOT controlling
5.) Sees that there are many other men out there, so it means she has A LOT OF OPTIONS  Other GUYS.
6.) Valuing yourself. By doing this, it would make others value you too, especially
him. At least respect you.
7.) You’re living life and having fun. It just means that you’re not a boring person
and have a personality.

Okay, so going back what to do for the next 6-8 weeks:
1.) Go full no contact- you’re moving on with or without him. If he wants to be
part of your life, good. If not, it’s okay too because you’re a woman with a lot of
options right? By moving on, it will actually make him really curious as to why
you move on faster than him. He will begin to doubt himself or possibly ask
himself if he made a mistake. Go no contact at all cost, if he’s trying to interact
with you, just go with a quick chat and say you have to go. Don’t make it obvious
though. Mean it. As in really mean it because you’re choosing to move forward.
2.) You need to start working out. This will boost your confidence hormones.
3.) Meditate in the morning or find your best time within the day. By quieting your
mind you will see or learn a lot of realizations about you and him.
4.) Have massive fun- Go out on parties, events and gatherings, take a lot of
pictures. Take lots of pictures and post them on your Facebook profile. You can
bring other men too with you as your date. Post a lot of pictures of you being with
other men.
5). Think of other men. You must begin to start thinking less of him and start
thinking more about other guys.
6.) Go out with other men too to help you figure out what kind of a man
you really want. Date as much as you can. You don’t have to enter
another serious relationship until you want to. Explore your options until
such time you feel you’re comfortable to be in a serious relationship
again.
7.) Get a new haircut or hairstyle. Get a flirty hair style from a magazine
or a good salon. Look dashing. Doll yourself up as if you’re running for
Miss Universe.
8.) Buy new clothes
9.) Reorganize your room
19.) Get a good planner and re-organize your things to do and things you must
accomplish.
11.) Write down your goals. Have a good purpose that matters to you.
This will energize you and have a reason to wake up daily.
11.) Read and learn more stuff.

At this point, you’ve taken the risk. And with his reaction, it’s his loss if he doesn’t
want to grab that chance. You need to ask yourself whether you still want to go
further with him or want to date other men. In fact, by dating other men, you will
be more attractive to him. But don’t do this just for the sake of “winning” him.
he’ll pick up on this. Do it because, each of you may really be better off in dating
other people. So in a way, limit your interaction or, better, go no contact with him
for the next 6-8 weeks. Let him sort things through as well. You’re only losing
your self-respect by contacting him. You’re kind of like giving him a free pass.

Like I said, if you’re going to be a woman, you won’t appreciate a guy who takes
your attention for granted. Ultimately, you will be able to see and feel if you two
should be together. Cause even if you are able to get him and you start being
needy again, he’ll reject you again. That’s why I mentioned that you need to take
care of your conditioning. And you need to be painfully honest if you think you’re
really ready to be in a relationship and maintain being a person of high value in his
eyes.

After that period of no contact, he will be curious as to what happened to you. It
can even be sooner. Just ask cool. Let him worry about the relationship. And your
job is to demonstrate how an attractive woman you are, and not trying to win him,
by being the new you. A woman exploring her options and with a mission in life.
This would drive him nuts. He’ll feel like you’re putting him in the friend zone.
Boom.

You’re feeling bad right now because he rejected you. To counter that rejection is
to show you have more important things to care about. Which, once again, shows
you’re an attractive woman. You value yourself. You show self-respect. He will
begin to rethink his actions.

If you feel like you two can give it at another go, just go out with him. But from
hereon, let him be the one to do all the work. Make him pay for the rejection he
gave you. He’ll be the one actually to start the conversation about the relationship.
You on the other hand must be ready to continue to implement the needed changes
I mentioned to you. You must also accept responsibility for your behavior or
actions. No blaming or whatsoever. No matter what happens, wish him well. It
doesn’t matter whether you get him back or not.

Remember, always act cool and indifferent from hereon.
There are still a lot of things that I haven’t addressed here for there are things I
may not know for your case.

Best,
Edwin

With BWS

Click Here!